The Eulogy to Sam
by WindStar
Summary: After Sam's death, Dean's reflecting on his brother. I wrote this Eulogy from his point of view. Imagine him reflecting on his brother's life, as he's saying his final good byes. It's a tear jerker!


**The Eulogy for Sam**

When you were born,

It was two months to soon.

The way mom and dad panicked,

Looked something like a cartoon.

Mom didn't come home for weeks

And dad told me you were hurt

That night I crawled under my bed to sleep

Down where the bad things lurked.

Daddy told me I had to protect you,

How could I if I was scared?

I was terrified in the morning

And the experience I never shared

They took me to the hospital soon

And put me in this robe

They said it was to protect you,

But I think it was for the cold.

As the doctors talked to mom and dad

I walked to your box and looked inside

You were so small, your eyes closed tight

I tried to wake you up

I tried with all my might

I couldn't just stand there as you looked so frail

I couldn't just stand there and pretend

I could hear the doctors talking

Saying that soon you would be dead.

I pressed my head against the glass

And tried to prove them wrong

You opened your eyes just then

And let out a wailing song

You came home two months later,

And I was ecstatic with joy

I visited you often

And our parents insisted you were not a toy.

The night mom died, I kissed your cheek

How was I to know,

That after that day I would not talk for weeks?

I heard mom screaming, and I ran to your door

Dad pushed you into my arms

And I soon was running across the floor.

I never let you out my sight again

Not even for a moment

Dad tried to pry me away

But in the end he couldn't.

You cried more then you used to

A fact of which I was aware

I didn't know how to soothe you

I didn't know how to care.

I slept in your crib after that

My arms tight around you

Dad told me I wasn't allowed

But what else could I do?

On your birthday I stroked your hair

And sang you a song

Dad wasn't there.

He was always gone.

Pastor Jim made me cake

And I knew it was mine

You couldn't eat it and he never explained

That suited me just fine.

He bought you a teething ring

And several things for you I asked for

He never questioned me once

Not even when I was guard at your door.

On my birthday he bought me gifts too,

Dad again forgot though

He said that he was mourning too

I said that it didn't show.

Dad slapped me hard, the first time I was hit

Jim yelled at him, called him a fool

I just felt like shit.

I went to you that night,

And held you in my arms

Dad did apologize

But only when I held you away from 'harm'

Later that year you learned to speak,

Did you ever know your first word was me?

You said my name

Not dad or mom

You said my name

My fears were gone

Dad was depressed for the next couple of days

I think it was me he blamed

He never said he did

But he thought it was my fault that you said my name.

You got bigger, and by two you were tall

Your hands around my arm

Your shyness at its peak

Passerby's looked at us in alarm

As I glared them down

I was terrified they'd try

To take you from me

Terrified someone would steal you away

Far from where I could see.

You were a constant by my side

And you giggled at things I said

I played with you often – you were my pride

Never did I let your tears shed.

When you were three I taught you to read

God what a dumb thing to do

You never put a book down after that

It was page after page for you

You gave me a macaroni collage for my birthday

Jim helped you with it

I kept the thing for years

Even when his dumb dog bit it

You started counting at four,

And by five you started school

You skipped kindergarten and went to first

Though your feet still dangled from the stool.

You were excited and happy

And I was happy for you

I don't think I left that school for hours

I wanted to know if you'd be fine

But you used your freaky 'mind powers'

And made me accept enough to give you space to shine

As you got older, training began

Dad taught us to fight

And how to defend

And how to hit as hard as we might.

He trained me harder then you

He didn't want you hurt

He trained you hard though

He didn't want you hurt.

You learned to shoot your first gun by nine

You were scared of the thing in you closet

He gave you a .45

When I was 16 I went on my first hung (officially)

A salt and burn while you were home alone

Dad dropped me off on the way to another job

But I found you hurting and bleeding at home

I tended to your wounds

And asked who did this to you

You didn't tell me a thing

So when you were asleep I set out to find a clue

I found him at a bar, he was 36

And I pretended I was 21

I sat on the stool and made conversation

My hand itching for my missing gun

He told me that some punk kid tripped his boy into a lake

He said he beat the kid so bad

That his body had started to shake.

I leaned in real close and told him it was my brother

I sent him to the hospital that night

Would any of this have been different had we had a mother?

When you were 19 you broke my heart

Dad and you were yelling,

Tearing each other apart.

I'd been hurt on a hung,

You were angry at him

I'd been thrown into a lake

And had been to hurt to swim

Dad and you were screaming

And you took something from your bag

You told him that you applied in the spring

And that he was sick of this drag

You told him you had a full ride to college (Stanford University to boot)

You told him you were going to learn law

He told you you were an idiot

He told you how little you truly saw.

He said "if you leave, don't come back."

He said that you'd never see me again

You looked at me and my heart broke

I had lost my only friend.

You said that you could live with that

You marched right out the door

I was staring at my father

It was clear that he was floored

HE gave me a look, if looks could kill

And told me I wasn't to follow you

I ignored him twice

Because I had to see, if what you did was the right thing to do

I saw you happy, happy and free

I vowed not to return

Until it was you who wanted to see me.

But I broke that vow

To steal you away

To help me find dad,

If only for a day

When I dropped you off I was worried

But I thought that you'd be fine

But then all my instincts told me

That I should return to your side

I saw the smoke in the window

And ran to break the doors

I saw the fire on the ceiling

And nothing on the floor

Then there you were, on the bed

Your hands above your face

I looked up and saw a girl

Who's name I just displaced

I grabbed you up and pushed you out

And that night you couldn't sleep

You cried and cried and I felt terrible

For the life you couldn't keep.

We hunted together day after day

Working hard to save more lives

But you were fading fast

And I knew so was I

We found dad in the end

But you now and visions of things occurring

And some wounds just don't mend.

Dad and you bickered again

Right up until the day he died

Then you beat yourself up

Saying that you didn't try.

But then this demon played his cards,

You were in love with two more girls

Both in the end lost their lives.

You were taken not once by twice

I didn't know what to do

I searched and searched until I had

A vision, just like you

I found you hurting, walking alone

But then that bastard stabbed you

Just when you were almost home

You're dead and gone

I never said the one thing to you

One thing that is the base of who I am

I loved you little brother

I loved you Sam

**Windstar AKA: Arin Maximus : I wrote this poem after Sam's death, and was feeling down in the dumps. I hoped you all liked it. **


End file.
